David is one of the best-known figures in the Old Testament. Most children can tell the story of David’s victory over Goliath, while most adults know the story of David’s failure with Bathsheba. He is the author of nearly half of the Psalms and called “a man after God’s own heart” despite his numerous sins.
David’s story is also one of suffering and abuse. Anointed as a boy to be the next king of Israel, he endured the previous king’s jealousy and spent about fifteen years on the run. As victims of abuse, we may see ourselves in David’s story and learn from his example how to handle abusers in our lives.
Have you read Abuse in the Bible: Let’s Take a New Look at Old Stories?
Abuse Happens Everywhere
While maggieyouville.com is primarily dedicated to raising awareness of domestic violence, the truth is that abuse happens nearly everywhere. There are bullies and abusers in our places of work, school, play, and worship. One of the reasons it can be hard to identify abuse within our marriages is that we are putting up with it (or have experienced it and accepted it as normal) in other areas of our lives.
Although we only catch glimpses of some of the abuse David faced, he was abused by his brothers and his king. Let’s take a look at these.
David’s Childhood
David’s story begins in 1 Samuel 16. Israel’s first king, Saul, was chosen because he looked like a king, but he has failed to follow God’s rules. God sends the prophet Samuel to Bethlehem to find a new king among Jesse’s sons. Samuel meets seven of Jesse’s sons, but none is the one the Lord wants. When Samuel, confused, asks if there’s another son, Jesse responds, “Oh yes, he’s with the sheep.”
As the youngest son, David is the keeper of the sheep. He’s so overlooked that when the prophet shows up and invites the family to join him in making sacrifice to the Lord, nobody bothers to call David. Samuel has to insist they wait until David arrives to begin the sacrifice. As soon as David walks in, God tells Samuel to anoint him.
Some time later, the Philistine army invades Israel. David’s oldest three brothers join Saul’s army, but David remains at home with the sheep. One day, Jesse (now “old and advanced in years” and unable to visit his sons himself) sends David to check on how the battle is going.
David takes some grain and bread for his brothers, and cheese for their commanders, and goes to the Israel camp. There, he hears Goliath challenge Israel to battle. Shocked at what he hears, David asks, “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?”
Now Eli′ab his eldest brother heard when he spoke to the men; and Eli′ab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said, “Why have you come down? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your presumption, and the evil of your heart; for you have come down to see the battle.” And David said, “What have I done now? Was it not but a word?” (1 Samuel 17:28-29 RSV)
We can brush this off as the typical disdain of an older brother for a younger brother, but this is verbal and emotional abuse. Remember we are getting a story outline, not an entire story. If this is how Eli’ab treats David in this small scene, imagine how he treats his younger brother at other times, when they are not surrounded by Eli’ab’s fellow soldiers or commanding officers.
These two little interactions paint a picture of David’s childhood, growing up as the youngest of eight sons (and maybe he had older sisters as well, as the Bible doesn’t usually mention daughters). He’s clearly overlooked, undervalued, and often put down by his older brothers.
Despite this, David seems to be a hardworking, obedient, brave boy. He does what his father asks of him, whether that’s caring for the sheep or running errands. He faces a bear and a giant with the same courage. His faith in God is strong, and he’s willing to stand up for that faith, even in the face of disparagement. He knows who he is and doesn’t let his brothers’ abuse affect him.
David Meets Saul
After David is anointed king, God’s blessing passes from King Saul to David. Saul suffers from “an evil spirit” and his advisers tell him, “Let our lord now command your servants, who are before you, to seek out a man who is skillful in playing the lyre; and when the evil spirit from God is upon you, he will play it, and you will be well” (1 Samuel 16:16 RSV). Saul agrees to this plan, someone recommends David, and he is sent for (and found among the sheep again).
David thus begins his career in Saul’s household. We read that Saul loved him greatly and sent word to Jesse saying, “Let David remain in my service, for he has found favor in my sight” (1 Samuel 16:22 RSV). Whenever the evil spirit comes upon Saul, David plays music for him, and Saul is refreshed and made well.
After David defeats Goliath, Saul recognizes his gifts as a warrior. 1 Samuel 18:5 tells us, “David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him; so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.” However, David’s popularity with the people begins to create problems between him and Saul.
As the story continues, David is not only Saul’s musician and military commander, but he’s also best friends with Saul’s son Jonathan and marries Saul’s daughter Michal. He’s thus a big part of Saul’s household. Unfortunately, this makes him an easy target for Saul’s jealousy, anger, and abuse.
King Saul Abuses David
In 1 Samuel 18:10-11, Saul tries to kill David for the first time, and David evades the spear thrown at him twice. Later, after David marries Michal, Saul plots to kill David – his anger at David has moved past impulsive to deliberate. Jonathan warns David of his father’s plot, but also speaks to his father about it, and Saul seems to repent, so David returns.
All is well for a bit, until Saul’s bad mood seizes him again and he throws a spear at David, who escapes. This time, Michal warns David to flee at night and covers up his escape. David hides for a time with the prophet Samuel. He then asks Jonathan for help. At first, Jonathan doesn’t believe his father wants to kill David, but says he’ll ask around. When his questions anger Saul so much that Saul tries to kill Jonathan, Jonathan warns David to flee again.
Those of us in abusive relationships will recognize a pattern here. David has lived in Saul’s household for years; likely there’s a sense of comfort here that he’s reluctant to leave, even when Saul repeatedly throws spears at him. Like so many of us, he may brush those spears off as “just the evil spirit” and tell himself Saul really loves him when he’s not afflicted with the evil spirit.
However, there comes a time when David cannot keep ignoring Saul’s attempts to kill him. He has to face the reality of the abuse and he has to protect himself. From 1 Samuel 21 on, David is no longer part of Saul’s household but rather spends his days on the run. He even goes to Moab and the cities of the Philistines in an attempt to stay one step ahead of Saul.
How David Responds to Saul’s Abuse
In these chapters, we see David doing whatever is necessary in order to protect himself. After leaving Saul’s household, he flees to the priests at Nob, who ask him why he’s there alone. David lies to them, saying he’s on a mission for Saul, and asks for food. The priest gives him some of the holy bread to eat, as it’s the only food they have on hand. David then flees to the Philistine town of Gath, where some people recognize him as King Saul’s best warrior. In order to escape, he feigns madness.
David spends years on the run from King Saul. During this time, he marries several more wives. His father and brothers and others join him, so he becomes the head of a small village, moving about Israel and Philistia. David continues to act as a military commander, defending his tribe and attacking the Philistines. The writer of 1 Samuel notes times when God seems to protect David from Saul and also shows David seeking God’s guidance in prayer during difficult decisions.
Twice during these years on the run, David has the opportunity to kill Saul. In fact, his men encourage this. They know David has been anointed as the next king of Israel, so why not end the life of the current king and take the role he’s been anointed to do? However, David recognizes Saul is also anointed as king and refuses to take Saul’s life himself.
He tells Saul, “By the fact that I cut off the skirt of your robe, and did not kill you, you may know and see that there is no wrong or treason in my hands. I have not sinned against you, though you hunt my life to take it. May the Lord judge between me and you, may the Lord avenge me upon you; but my hand shall not be against you” (1 Samuel 24:11-12 RSV).
A growing awareness of being abused can cause many of us to struggle with knowing how to respond to that abuse. How do we hold onto our values and morals and live as God wants us to while also protecting ourselves from the abuse? Bible verses about “forgiving seventy times seven” and “turning the other cheek” are often brought up, making us feel that our only option is to endure the abuse. However, David shows us another option.
Stop Enabling Abusive Behaviour
David does put up with Saul’s abuse for a time, but eventually, he decides to face the abuse. With Jonathan, he creates a test to show very clearly that Saul hates him and will not change. David then sets a firm boundary by leaving Saul’s household and living on the run. He refuses to harm Saul, to seek revenge, or to treat Saul as Saul has treated him, but he no longer allows Saul to keep throwing spears at him.
Like David, you may have hit that decision point where you realize you can’t keep dodging spears. Catholic counselor Allison Ricciardi notes, “There are times when leaving is the right thing to do… but that should be undertaken with prudence, both with respect to your safety (it can be dangerous getting out of the clutches of an abuser) and with respect for the sacramentality of your marriage.”
Many of us have been told to value our marriages above our own health or safety. We’ve sat in the path of the spear because we thought that was the “Catholic” or “Biblical” thing to do. However, David doesn’t stay there. He makes sure he is safe. And then he confronts Saul about his unhealthy, sinful behavior. He holds onto his own values and truth no matter how Saul responds to him, and eventually, he does become King of Israel.
Ricciardi adds, “You have an obligation to protect your own health and safety (both physical and mental) as well as your children’s. But you also have an obligation for the soul of your spouse… and enabling or accepting abusive behavior may facilitate their route to perdition. Consequences here for their abusive behavior may be the only thing that can help them turn from it to save their soul in the long run. Think hard about that.”
David Cries Out to God
David’s story in 1 Samuel 16 – 31 is written like a plot outline; this happened, that was said, this was done. However, in the Psalms written by David, we have a glimpse into his thoughts and feelings. In poetry, David pours out his deepest longings, his desire for justice, and his deepest longings. His words may feel familiar to many of us:
Answer me when I cry out, my righteous God! Set me free from my troubles! Have mercy on me! Listen to my prayer! (Psalms 4)
The Lord is a safe place for the oppressed, a safe place in difficult times. (Psalms 9)
Turn to me, God, and have mercy on me because I’m alone and suffering. My heart’s troubles keep getting bigger–set me free from my distress! (Psalms 25)
Psalm 18 is written “after the Lord delivered him from the power of all his enemies and from Saul.” Psalms 34 is written “when he pretended to be crazy before Abimelech, who banished him so that he left.” Psalms 57 is written “when he fled from Saul into the cave.” Psalms 59 is written “when Saul sent men to watch the house in order to kill him.” While David praises God for his protection and care in many of these Psalms, we also hear him in the depths of despair, feeling unheard and abandoned and trusting despite the darkness around him.
Put Yourself in the Story
I hope I’ve helped you take a new look at David and see his story with a fresh perspective. I’d like to invite you to dig a bit deeper into his story. Maybe you’ve found a few things in common with him, or maybe you feel that he’s just a dude in a story long ago who has nothing in common with you and your life today.
Ask yourself:
- Who is throwing spears such as angry words, belittling comments, or sarcastic jokes at me? How do I respond to these spears?
- What is my relationship with my siblings like? How did my parents affect the relationship between me and my siblings? How do the family patterns I learned as a child affect my marriage and family life now?
- Do I trust in God as David did when he faced lions and bears, a giant, and an angry king?
In prayer:
- Find the Psalms with David’s name on them and read them prayerfully. What do David’s prayers reveal to you about God’s character?
- Try journaling or writing a letter to God, expressing your own struggles and emotions and asking God to hear you as he heard David.
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