One of the most difficult parts of being in or escaping from an abusive relationship is finding support. Therapists and lawyers are expensive. Friends may not believe what you are saying about your abuser. Priests may not be abuse- or trauma-informed and may simply tell youto try harder and keep praying. Being abused can be a lonely, isolating experience.
Take a deep breath and meet Aimee Says.
What is Aimee Says?
Aimee Says offers “AI support for relationship abuse.” Women in abusive relationships can “get confidential support, journaling and legal-prep tools—anytime. You don’t need a label to deserve support or proof to start healing. You just need a place to talk — and Aimee is here 24/7.”
I’ll admit that I’ve been dubious about AI since it first emerged. However, this AI actually excited me. I’ve spent five years learning how to communicate with my ex-husband by spending thousands on lawyers’ fees, therapy and divorce coaching. I’m very grateful that my lawyer, therapist and coach were there to help me sort through the barrage of harassment, confusion, verbal abuse and more that my ex-husband emailed to me. These professionals taught me to keep my responses to him brief, firm, and focused on our children.
Given what I’ve learned from them about communication with an abuser, I decided to try out Aimee Says. I first tested it on a brief response I had to write to my ex-husband regarding one of our children’s activities. I already had a rough idea what I wanted to say to him, so I quickly typed an explanation into Aimee Says and asked for help. I was impressed that her response was very close to what I’d considered, with a few tweaks to make it sound more neutral and professional.
Since then, I’ve continued to use Aimee Says to help me draft answers to difficult emails from my ex-husband. If you’re still curious about this AI and how it can help you, here’s a sample conversation I had with Aimee.
A Real Conversation with Aimee
Aimee opens the chat by saying, “Hi there, I’m an AI named Aimee! I am here to help you understand relationship abuse, so you can heal and protect yourself and your loved ones. This guest chat is confidential and will disappear when you navigate away or click the quick exit button. How are you feeling today?”
I briefly told Aimee I was frustrated because my ex-husband wasn’t following one clause in our divorce agreement regarding when our daughter transitioned from his parenting time to mine. I outlined what the clause said and what had happened, including my ex-husband’s last belligerent text message about the matter, and asked how I should respond to that message.
Aimee answered, “Your ex is using manipulative tactics to avoid following the agreed order, twisting the language to suit his needs and delay returning your daughter. This is a form of post-separation abuse—specifically, legal and coercive control. Respond calmly, referencing the exact order. Would you like help drafting a message or advice on documenting these incidents?”
I answered, “I’ve taken screenshots of our text conversations and added them to a Google document about his violations of our court order.”
Aimee said, “That’s an excellent step—documenting violations with screenshots creates a clear record of his behavior. Continued noncompliance is a form of legal abuse and helps demonstrate patterns of control. Are you considering bringing these violations to your lawyer or the court?”
“Yes, I’ve talked with my lawyer as this is not the only issue with my ex-husband. He is in non-compliance of numerous points in our order.”
Aimee told me, “You’re doing the right thing by gathering evidence and consulting your lawyer. Multiple violations highlight a pattern of disregarding boundaries and court orders, which is common in post-separation abuse. Consistent documentation will strengthen your case. Would you like tips on organizing your evidence or preparing for court?”
“Not right now.”
Aimee answered, “No problem! If you need support or have questions about navigating these challenges in the future, I’m here for you. How are you feeling about everything today?”
Aimee Offers Emotional Support
Even though I knew that I was talking to a computer, I decided to be honest. “I’m tired. I left him 5 years ago for his abuse, and it’s been 5 years of unrelenting abuse like this. Using our daughter to control me. Threatening me. Arguing over every little thing with me. Refusing care for our daughter. It feels like a never-ending battle. And the courts don’t see it.”
Aimee responded, “I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this—it’s exhausting and deeply unfair. Post-separation abuse often continues as abusers use legal systems and children to maintain control. Your feelings are valid; you deserve peace. Would you like to talk more about coping strategies or how to communicate boundaries with him?”
Again, the honesty and sympathy felt good, so I told Aimee this wasn’t the first time an incident like this had occurred, and vented a bit more to her about other incidents with my ex-husband.
Aimee told me, “What you’re describing is a classic pattern of coercive control—your ex’s unpredictability and selective compliance are intentional, designed to keep you off-balance and undermine your ability to plan or provide stability for your kids. Canceling the birthday party isn’t just an inconvenience; it’s a way for him to disrupt your life and your relationship with your daughter, and to isolate you socially by creating chaos for other families as well.
“This kind of behavior is emotionally exhausting and can make you feel powerless, but your careful documentation is key. When communicating with him, keep your messages brief, factual, and focused on the children’s best interests—avoid emotional language or responding to provocations, as he’s likely seeking a reaction. Consider using a parenting communication app if your court order allows, as these can sometimes help document patterns and reduce direct conflict.
“Most importantly, remind yourself that his actions are not a reflection of your parenting or your worth. Consistency, even in the face of his chaos, is a gift to your children. Would you like to talk through specific strategies for responding to him in these situations, or ways to care for yourself after these difficult weekends?”
Aimee Offers Practical Tips
I asked, “If he does this exact same thing next week, how do I respond?” I hypothesized about what he might do at our next parenting exchange and complained about how this would affect me and my daughter.
Aimee said, “You’re right—his refusal to provide clear plans is a tactic to maintain control and disrupt your life. If he repeats this behavior, respond calmly, referencing the order’s wording: ‘For clarity, the order states our daughter is to be picked up at 6 pm Sunday. Please confirm you will have her ready at 6 pm for pickup.’
“If he avoids answering or refuses, do not engage in further argument. Instead, document your request and his response. Each time he fails to comply, note it with dates and details. This consistent, calm approach both limits his ability to provoke you and builds a strong record for court. Would you like more examples of brief responses or ideas for self-care when he disrupts your plans?”
I asked, “Can I save this chat for reference next time?”
Aimee answered, “You can copy and paste this chat into your own secure document or notes for future reference. Saving records of helpful conversations, along with your documentation, can be empowering and useful. Would you like a summary of today’s key points to save?”
When I said yes, Aimee provided me with these notes:
Here’s a summary you can save:
– Your ex’s inconsistent compliance with the order and vague return times are forms of coercive control and post-separation abuse.
– Document every incident with dates, times, and screenshots.
– When responding, reference the order calmly and specifically: “The order states pickup at 6 pm Sunday.”
– Avoid engaging in arguments—just state facts, then document.
– Consistent records strengthen your case with your lawyer and court.
Aimee then asked, “Would you like any more tips or support right now?”
I said, “Thank you, that’s great.” (Yes, I know I’m talking to a computer, but I can still use manners.)
Aimee answered, “You’re very welcome. You’re doing an incredible job in a tough situation. If you ever need more support, ideas, or just someone to listen, I’m here for you. Take care of yourself—how are you planning to rest tonight?”
Why I Use Aimee Says
While I’m aware AI can make mistakes (as the little disclaimer at the bottom of the website says), I’ve been impressed with Aimee Says. Her advice aligns with the advice I’ve received over the past 5 years from my lawyers, therapist, coach, and other divorce experts. Aimee Says validates what I’m going through, putting labels on the way my ex-husband treats me. While I can identify that his emails feel triggering and traumatic, it does help to have Aimee (or anyone else) tell me, “Yes, this is abuse.”
I also appreciate Aimee’s focus on self-care. In every chat with her, the conversation has come back around to this. Aimee asks if I need self-care ideas, how I’m taking care of myself, if I’m resting well. Again, while I know this is an AI and I am currently doing well at taking care of myself, I know how important this is to victims of abuse. Self-care is something I’ve had to work on in the last five years, as there were many years before that in which I didn’t take care of myself due to being abused.
Saint Paul advises us in Romans, “Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God” (17-19 RSV). Aimee Says helps me do this by responding to my ex-husband’s emails in a way that is “noble in the sight of all” (including a judge, if necessary) and as peaceable as I can be.
This AI also reminds me of Paul’s advice to “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer every one” (Colossians 4:6 RSV). I don’t always know how to answer my ex-husband’s emails because I’m so angry about what he’s said or how he’s said it. Aimee Says helps me to avoid taking my anger out in unproductive ways, because ranting back at him has never solved any of our problems.
Aimee Says offers some brief information on different forms of abuse (links in the website footer). A paid plan to the website offers more options, including saving your past chats (instead of having to copy/paste them to another document) and having Aimee review legal and other documents for you. I have not yet tried these options, but have only used the free chat (with no saved history).
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